iPat :.

How to understand Gloria’s survival tactics

2005-10-18T14:57:00.000+08:00

How to understand Gloria’s survival tactics
By William Esposo

THERE is a world of difference between what President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo says and what she does. Anyone who wants to understand what is really going on – whether she is staying on or on her way out – must learn to read beyond the sound bytes and be able to interpret the hidden messages conveyed by body language and actions.

In many cases, the confusion of many Filipinos can’t be helped – they are not privy to the unprintable and unmentionable in media coverage nor do they have access to the sources and developments that will help them form the big picture. It takes experience, political savvy and the insight of a political analyst to sift through the lies and half-truths and see the big picture.

Filipinos who have lived overseas for quite a while are most vulnerable to misreading developments happening back home. They get their news from websites and friends who are more often than not also victims of speculative and sensational information, not to mention outright propaganda designed to suit a political objective. From the feedback I get from immigrant Filipinos it is very easy to detect how little they know about goings on in their homeland. Not being able to have an accurate scan of the terrain, they tend to form their thinking from other people’s reactions to official statements.

If we draw our conclusions on the likely fate of President Arroyo on the basis of what the newspapers say, it is easy to be misled into thinking that she will hold on to the presidency. But the more discerning observer in the home front will not fail to read the disturbing signals transmitted by her more recent moves. The promulgation of Calibrated Pre-emptive Response (CPR), EO 464 and those ‘shoot-to-kill’ orders for coup plot recruiters reflect actions of the desperate, validating the conclusion that Ms Arroyo is hanging by the thread.

The military genius Napoleon Bonaparte taught his generals that the enemy concentrates his forces in the very spot where he feels most vulnerable. Even earlier than Napoleon, Sun Tzu prescribed that one must try to appear bigger when one is small and appear small when one is actually enjoying the advantage. That is exactly what Ms Arroyo has been trying to convey lately – that she is winning and will stay the course. In reality, she is exactly what Sun Tzu would describe as the small force whose existence is endangered.

What Ms Arroyo is desperately trying to do is to:

1. Rally the morale of her troops in order to stop the erosion of her support base. By troops, I mean both the members of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP) who are still loyal to her as well as her political supporters. She knows only too well how disintegration of support had led to the fall of Marcos and Estrada. To survive the political jungle, one must keep one’s support base intact – let it crumble and you fall into the abyss.
2. Demoralize the forces of the opposition. By opposition, I do not just refer to the pathetic political opposition parties who lost the respect of the middle class when they rallied behind an unproven movie actor – Fernando Poe, Jr. I refer to the public at large, the close to 80% who think that Ms Arroyo stole the 2004 elections and now want her to vacate the presidency.
3. Discourage key sectors and power players, notably the military, from challenging her continued stay in office. The AFP and the US are examples of power blocks who are supposed to be non-aligned in these political struggles. But as we saw with the 1986 People Power Revolt, both were key players that tilted the outcome in favor of Cory Aquino.

It does not take a political savant to figure out Ms Arroyo’s recent moves as political suicide, a major step towards alienating herself from her own supporters. Take the case for instance of CPR and EO 464. When these measures were announced, her own allies in both congress and the senate distanced themselves from it. Only the likes of Donald Dee, who has earned the ‘distinction’ for being the most loyal to whoever sits in Malacanang, supported CPR and EO 464.

Even the predictably servile Joe de Venecia, the master executioner of the impeachment case massacre in congress – was quick to state his opposition to EO 464 when it was announced. Having lost the support of Senate President Frank Drilon who has joined the call for her resignation, Ms Arroyo was already desperate to win senate allies. But EO 464 practically turned the entire senate against her. There were 16 senators who signed the legal documents that challenged EO 464 in the Supreme Court.

The President and her strategists could not have miscalculated the fallout from CPR and EO 464. We know she has clowns who give us comic relief now and then but the likes of Ronnie Puno, Eddie Ermita and Avelino Cruz are certainly not the type of people who could have overlooked the negative repercussions of CPR and EO 464.

Coming fresh from the quashing of the impeachment case in congress, these moves come like combination punches deliberately delivered to keep the truth from inflicting its damage. These measures further erode that small segment of the nation who still gives Ms Arroyo the benefit of the doubt that she is the legitimate president.

So what made them spring these most uncharacteristic and apparently imprudent courses of action? The answer is simple: they perceive the downfall to be so precariously close, they have ran out of credible ammunition for defense – so now, they throw in the entire cannon, hoping this will arrest any further threat. Survival is everything at this point and it takes precedence over image and relationships.

So what’s there to fear when there aren’t many people protesting in the streets? Again the answer is simple: they are aware of close to 80% who want Ms Arroyo removed and the threat of military junior officers taking action behind popular indignation, the way they did in EDSA I and II.

In EDSA I, we never even had any inkling about military participation until it happened. In EDSA II, Estrada chief of staff Angie Reyes stage-managed the appearance of a constant parade of generals to suggest all was well with the chain of command. Of course, the next thing we saw was Angie Reyes on stage at the EDSA Shrine to express his switch of allegiance to Ms Arroyo come January 21, 2001.

This is not the case now. Over the past two months, we have been reading about statements from the YOUng expressing their demand for the President to step down. Over the past three weeks, no less than Senators Ramon “Jun” Magsaysay and Rodolfo “Pong” Biazon have warned about the real threat of the junior officers taking a direct hand in the political stalemate. Magsaysay and Biazon are not your usual ‘cry wolf’ hysteria breeders who would shoot off their mouths even if they did not have solid grounds for their expressed concerns.

Former RAM stalwarts Rex Robles, Billy Bibit and Proceso Maligalig have aired similar concerns about wide scale restiveness in the military over the absence of closure on the issue of fraud in the 2004 elections and questions raised on President Arroyo’s legitimacy as commander in chief of the armed forces. Even known Fidel Ramos man, Gen. Ramon Montano (Ret.), openly asserted that the majority of officers and soldiers in the AFP are poised to remove Ms Arroyo. Likewise, the retired generals, who have traditionally been the conduit for active officers, confirm the same.

Not only that – recent communications conveyed by the YOUng have never been this impassioned and purposeful. They do not only question the legitimacy of Ms Arroyo’s presidency, they also want her out. This never happened before.

How about that other power player, the United States, who has historically denied involvement in our affairs but whose influential hand is always felt just the same – whose side do they appear to be on? Ms Arroyo went on the offensive and tried to make it appear that the indictment of former police Superintendent Michael Ray Aquino was a favor done for her by the US. Well, is it?

It is not. The US did it for the US and not as a favor for the President. It is a matter of top priority for them to monitor and immediately plug any information leaks, especially in the highest and most sensitive offices of the US government. I subscribe to what former retired Commodore Rex Robles commented that the White House spying expose may in effect be the US way of indirectly conveying to the military here (who will always take the cue from the US) what the US thinks of Ms Arroyo. The contents of those documents are very damaging to her. Coming from reports submitted to the US president and vice-president, these reports appear to have the equivalent of ‘Papal infallibility’, having been processed and validated by the CIA and State Department.

I’ve said it time and again in this column that if the US will take a stand in this crisis, it will be to secure their interests with whoever will succeed Ms Arroyo. US policy is conducted in a no-nonsense, business-like manner. There are no personalities, only and strictly bottom line considerations. If personal relationships were to matter, Ronald Reagan would never have dropped Marcos in 1986. But he did because Marcos was finished politically and US interests dictated a switch to the new Cory Aquino regime.

Believe me; I have it on good authority that US officialdom is not particularly enamored with President Arroyo – especially after the Angelo de la Cruz incident when she caved in to the demands of the Iraqi insurgents to pull out Philippine troops in Iraq. On the contrary, she is considered the weakest link in Asia. There is good reason to believe that Ms Arroyo’s cozying up to China of late is another survival tactic to offset the loss of US support. Switching partners has always been her favorite game.

Now ask yourself: Is Ms Arroyo winning or losing this political battle? Do you think her actions indicate that she is coming or going? Do these actions show strength or panic?

Why I quit gov’t and asked my boss to resign as well

2005-08-15T10:40:00.000+08:00

Why I quit gov’t and asked my boss to resign as well
By Dinky Juliano-Soliman

This essay was first brought to my attention by the blog of editor John Nery.

I JOINED government as a member of President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s Cabinet because of the principles I have believed in and fought for in the last 30 years of my life. Justice, good governance, equality, empowerment of the poor and marginalized, truth, freedom and love are values and principles that have anchored my involvement in the struggle to transform society. It is because of these same principles that I resigned from government service last July 8, 2005, exactly a month ago.

Most of you have journeyed with me in the struggle to keep DSWD as I found it – insulated from politics. I admit to some actions that were politically motivated. I asked my colleagues in DSWD to implement projects for political accommodation. I now apologize for those instructions.
It was always a struggle between good and evil: old habits of traditional politics versus alternative new politics, with communities asserting their power. The first three years proved that the reforms far outweighed the political accommodation – especially when we were able to launch KALAHI-CIDSS; deliver on commitments on the Early Childhood Development program; install performance management systems; set-up the standards for DSWD institutions like Golden Acres as centers of excellence; start the Bright Child campaign for early childhood education, and many more enhancements of our on-going social welfare programs.
These outweighed my discomfort with the Balikatan exercise (I do not believe in foreign troops in our country) and other activities that I felt compromised my principles. I was conscious that compromises allowed me to protect the gains of the reform we were undertaking.

The period after the 2004 elections became very challenging. Thinking that the President had a clear mandate, I anticipated less political accommodation and that we could zoom ahead on reforms.

Most of you were witness to the series of accommodations that included the DSWD. Appointments of Cabinet members and heads of revenue-generating agencies were influenced by the factor of “those who helped in the campaign.” The last three months were particularly difficult in emerging scandal. Most disturbing was a “jueteng” scandal involving the highest levels of government (that’s the perception) after we threw out former President Joseph Estrada on the same issue. While we do not prejudge the outcome of the investigation, the tapes definitely cast doubt on the President’s integrity and electoral mandate.

I have discussed these issues with her many times – alone, with the whole Cabinet, with the lady Cabinet members, especially in the last three months. We discussed ideas on how to win back credibility from a high distrustful people. There were two schools of thought: 1} political survival at all costs 2} swift and credible action of reforms to survive politically and govern effectively and efficiently.

Last June 27, the President broke her silence on the tape. I felt hope and was very encouraged because that was the signal to begin the swift and credible actions of reform. Yes, I did sing and meant every word I sang. Then the same pattern of non-action or slow action set in, especially when it would affect people to whom she owes debts of gratitude. The July 5, 2005 Cabinet meeting was a tipping point, where it became clear that the frame of action is really survival at all costs.

On a personal note, the questions of my children regarding what is right and what is wrong, what is true and what is false in all this made me realize that the only thing of real value I can leave them is a sense of right and wrong. I made up my mind that I needed to resign; I also asked her to resign for the sake of the country and our future.

Credibility and leadership
The reforms necessary to reduce and eventually eradicate poverty require sacrifice from all sectors. There are those who need to give up a significant amount of power and prestige; there are those who will have to tighten their belts. To raise revenues for poverty reduction programs of government, we need to discipline ourselves and raise tax collection. This has impact on the working class who must also sacrifice over and above their current difficult struggle.

To move the country forward, we need a leader who can unite the country and undertake these difficult reforms. Unfortunately the President herself is the cause of division. While we are still struggling to ferret out the truth from all the scandals, she introduces another issue causing more division -- Charter change. And yet she also agreed to have a Truth Commission, which she will organize to investigate her actions. Over the past four weeks, however, we have seen the resources of government brought to bear on a media blitz to recover her image. The time and energy of Cabinet members have been used to defend the President and do things other than their work in their own departments. This is a President fighting for survival.

Mea culpa
One question that has been often asked of me is, since I stayed four years and a half, was I not part of the mistake? I was. I believe that Arroyo is a product of her own personal history. She was exposed to and has accepted the practices of traditional politics like paybacks, pay-ups and dirty tricks, at the same time also believing in instituting reforms in the economic, social and governance spheres using principles of transparency, accountability, and service to the people. She believed both worlds could exist in one person, that the dissonance and disconnect would not clash in her and her actions.

On hindsight, the same thing happened to me. I was able to develop a team in DSWD that crafted and implemented a community-driven development program funded by the government through a 100-million-dollar loan from the World Bank. It brought the most marginalized communities the opportunity to use their power to analyze the situation and develop solutions implemented by them, for which resources would be made available to them. It was an empowerment program on a scale matched by resources. It was consistent with my vision of power to the people and it covered 5,000 barangay.

To get support for this program, I had to work with the rest of the Cabinet and Arroyo. I had to be and was a team player. So on the many times that protesters and critics of the administration were mobilized, I was to be part of the team, if not leading the effort, of what I now call “domesticating tactics.”

I had directed my colleagues in DSWD to prepare packages of goodies for the urban poor communities either as part of raffle draws, food for work and family day activities to keep them from joining the rallies. We even had medical civic action with circumcision as part of the package. I admit I was one of those who crafted that strategy; I thought that rather than getting the urban poor out in the rally with the potential of getting pounced upon or even violently dispersed, it was better for them to stay in the community.

In the meantime, most of those who wanted numbers on the street began giving cash incentives for the people to stand an hour or two for their rally. The sacred right to stand up for your voice and be heard in the street, the right many of my friends had died for was now a commercial transaction. Truly, this has led to the commoditization of rights. This to me is the height of insult to the poor --we know they need the money so we bought their time. But it was not only their time we bought, we bought their soul, too, and in the process destroyed our own. Sadly, this was being done by both the opposition and government.

So as I was undertaking the empowerment processes in the KALAHI-CIDSS area, I was part of the domesticating process of the urban poor communities. The urban poor organizations I was relating with began to see me as their patron handing out favors or first information on benefits from government.

I was living two sets of values now. I was like Arroyo -- contradicting myself and counteracting my programs the way Arroyo proclaims transparency and accountability but with several parallel operations on an issue.

We were buying the people’s loyalty. Instead of serving them as part of government’s responsibility, instead of recognizing that the services we were providing were the rights of the citizenry. We invoked the utang-na-loob syndrome, exacting loyalty instead of recognizing that it is the right of the citizen and taxpayer to exact such services and programs from government.
We used our power and resources to domesticate the urban poor. I violated a basic principle that I had fought for, for so long – people empowerment. I had become a party to their disempowerment.

On loyalty
One of the strongest criticisms hurled against me was my disloyalty. How could a Cabinet member, a perceived close friend of the President, have the gumption to ask her boss to resign? Even some of my friends silently believe I could have made a mistake on this one. I have been reflecting on this point. It was not an easy decision, as I have narrated. It was a long and agonizing process. It was to wake up everyday and ask whether I was still consistent with my principles and the people I vowed to serve.

Arroyo, then VP, knew about Dinky only in October 2000. Contrary to popular belief, I am neither a classmate nor a long-time associate. We had a common vision for good governance born in the struggle against the Estrada government. Over the four years and six months we worked together, we developed a bond of mutual respect and got pleasantly surprised that we had some shared values, even common personal likes and dislikes of certain people. I treasure the relationship and would have wished I did not have to do what I did. I know it hurt her; it pains me that I had to do what I had to do.

It was clear to me that I was in government because of the principles and vision I believed we shared. The source of her authority emanates from the people by virtue of the mandate they gave her, both in EDSA II and the 2004 election. While it’s true that Arroyo appointed me to my post, my loyalty to the people is higher than my loyalty to her because we are all ultimately accountable to the people. I believed that the reforms and the truth were compromised because she has lost credibility and leadership.

It would have been easier had I just resigned and carried on with my life in development work. But then I would not have only been party to disempowering the poor, I, too, would have been disempowered. Some of you might say, “Hello, wake up. Government is all about compromise.” I say the people deserve more. If we want our democracy to work for all, especially the disempowered and oppressed, we all have to lay our stake and get involved in making it work as active citizens of this democracy. We have to speak up and act now.

Today’s Gospel spoke of the time when Jesus walked on water towards the apostles in a boat. Most of them were frightened and thought Jesus was a ghost. But Peter was inspired. He jumped the boat and walked in the water, too. Pummeled by the waves and the lightning, he wavered, but ultimately kept the faith and did not sink.

We too have taken our “walk in the water.” We too have been at the eye of a storm; we have been called traitors and have suffered much humiliation. But we believe our children deserve a truthful society and leadership with integrity. I have not taken an easy path, but we hope to keep the faith and our heads above the waters of despair and indifference.

Why Gloria was doomed to fail from the start

2005-07-25T15:02:00.000+08:00

I’m saddened by the unfolding tragedy that is the Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo presidency. I have seen it fit to be the critic of her presidency but in truth, there had been a few good times between Gloria M. Arroyo and me.

In 1996, news about Gloria’s intention to run for the 1998 presidential race brought relief to those who dreaded the thought of Joseph ‘Erap’ Estrada becoming president. For those who cared about nurturing the fragile post-EDSA democracy to healthier stability, the thought of having Erap take control was indeed frightening.

As the topnotcher in the 1995 senatorial elections, Gloria indeed had what it takes to beat Erap. In early 1996, at the Intercon Hotel in Makati, Cherry Zapanta, a common friend, arranged the first meeting. Cherry was one of those who operated the reception area of the Cory Aquino Media Bureau for the 1985-86 Snap Elections which I headed. Cherry is also a Kabalen of Gloria and one of the closest friends of the president.

In that meeting which included then Senator Arroyo, Dona Eva Macapagal, Cherry Zapanta, Mike Arroyo and two former Diosdado Macapagal stalwarts in the Liberal Party, Mike Arroyo did most of the talking. Although what was offered to me was the general management of the campaign, I opted to be a simple media adviser because I was then running two businesses even as my kidneys at that time were already starting to deteriorate. Eventually I had to undergo hemodialysis for 25 months leading to an eventual successful kidney transplant in January 9, 2002 at the Makati Medical Center. Gloria gave me a surprise visit on January 12, 2002 at the hospital, not knowing that the day was also my 53rd birthday.

I served in the campaign team for about 20 months and formally resigned in November 1997. Those 20 months I spent with the campaign team gave me rare insights into the personality and character of both Gloria and Mike Arroyo. Even that early, I was convinced that Gloria did not have what it takes to be regarded as the ‘hope of the country’.

Notwithstanding her dismal track record and the endless chain of scandals, Gloria M. Arroyo must have pursued positive goals for our country. Why, even Ferdinand Marcos had lofty dreams for the Philippines and had wanted to leave behind a good legacy. Perhaps, Gloria even outperforms all other previous presidents in terms of the number of hours she puts in the job. When I was in her campaign team in 1996 and 1997, I would get calls from Gloria as early as 6 am – a most ungodly hour for me – whenever she wanted my assessment of an issue that was just raised against her the previous day.

Alas, it is true what they say that the road to hell is full of good intentions. History validates the fact that all the good intentions of rulers really depend on the methods they choose and the ideals they pursue. Looking back, this is where I see the failure and the tragedy of the Gloria M. Arroyo presidency. The roads that she chose to take, coupled with her inadequate moorings blended a lethal concoction leading to what is to be a failed presidency.

Trapo politics
Given all the kind of choices she had made and tends to make, Gloria M. Arroyo’s much-touted reforms can never happen. Reform and traditional politics (trapo) run counter to each other. Traditional politics in our country has mutated into the failed system that perpetuates the exploitation and virtual monopoly of the national wealth. Either you go for reforms or you embrace trapo politics. Macapagal-Arroyo preferred to play the trapo game.

How can reform be possible with traditional politicians who want only to preserve the status quo for the elite 5% or so who control over 85% of the national wealth? Reform must involve the more equitable distribution of wealth and the opportunities to create wealth. The 95% of Filipinos who do not have that wealth will want that reform. The 5% who have it will resist the reform. For instance, who did Gloria M. Arroyo get as her closest allies? Check the list and you’ll find the elite 5%, as represented by the famous Triple A of Aboitiz, Ayala and Alcantara.
Look at that ad of Makati Business Club (MBC) members who protested the earlier MBC position asking Macapagal-Arroyo to resign and you will see the complete list, from A to Y, from Aboitiz to Yuchengco, who happen to be beneficiaries of the regime. Remember how she had unceremoniously junked good members of her cabinet after the 2004 elections for the sake of political accommodation? That’s the trapo patronage system at work for you.

Can you see reform at that time when she replaced Dinky Soliman with Noli de Castro as DSWD secretary? She backtracked only after she saw the negative backlash. Can you see reform when she replaced an able marketing man like Obet Pagdanganan in Tourism with someone as clueless about the requirements of the post as Ramon Durano? Are we surprised that up to now tourism remains in the category of a “potential” revenue earner while the same sector in Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand has grown by leaps and bounds? Where is the reform in the appointment of Ramon Revilla as PEA Chairman? Where is the reform in giving a frontline development agency like the DOTC to an ex-cop, Leandro Mendoza? In this information age, we need someone who is techno-savvy for the DOTC post. And she chooses to get an ex-cop? The list goes on.

Lack of proper moorings
The great leaders of the world, especially those who shone during periods of national crisis, had something in common – they were well anchored on a powerful ideal, moral code or political ideology. The new ideal of love for the least of one’s brethren provided the moorings for Christian faith. The new classless order in society provided the political moorings for Lenin and Mao in revolutionizing Russia and China. These are great examples of the power of ideas whose time has come. Communism may no longer be the fire that it was in the early 20th century but there is no denying its effect on contemporary world history.

Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo never caught on with any of those great earth-moving, powerful ideas. Living in the past, she cannot move forward, and, of course, neither can the country. She peddles decision-making the way a Madame runs a brothel – flesh for sale at the right price. Trapo politics in this country is long overdue for burying six feet under. Yet it sticks out like slime on all our lives because of presidential patrons like Macapagal-Arroyo and all the teeming millions that make up most of the country’s citizens who are unable to perform their proper roles as citizens of a democracy.

The ease by which Macapagal-Arroyo could lose friends and co-opt enemies shows someone utterly bereft of proper moorings. Miriam D. Santiago is a classic case in point. In the three days of rallies leading to the May 1, 2001 assault on Malacanang, Miriam D. Santiago was one of those who primed the ‘mob’ for that assault. Come December 2003, Miriam D. Santiago jumped to Arroyo’s side without even trying to come to terms with reconciling the disparity in principle.
During the time when I was her campaign adviser, I was shocked when she visited convicted rapist, Rep. Romy Jalosjos, in jail. Here was a woman who was being positioned for the presidency and she totally missed out the implication of the message that the visit to Jalosjos delivered. This is not just a simple ‘lapse in judgment’ as she fondly excuses herself. This is an insight into a psyche that lives and swears by the credo of trapo politics. Damn female delicadeza – she, a woman, would condone the crime against womanhood, as long as the rapist can deliver her the votes from his province. Someone who would move heaven and earth and even go to hell for the almighty trapo vote can surely have the gall to steal an election.

In another instance during the campaign for the 1998 presidency, Gloria consulted the campaign team on our thoughts about her co-hosting a showbiz talk show with Boy Abunda. I immediately put my foot down. It would be like positioning a Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo wanting to out-showbiz Erap, the showbiz president wannabe, when in fact she had all the qualities that Erap did not possess for the presidency. That incident added to the many other troubling insights I had gleaned on the character of our candidate and her decision-making process.
Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo topped the 1995 senatorial election as a member of the LDP. Because she was competing with then LDP president Ed Angara for the party’s presidential nomination in 1998, she was forced to put up Kampi in 1996. Then she ran under the banner of Lakas and Kampi for the 1998 vice-presidential race which she won with a comfortable margin over a respectable field that included former Pangasinan Governor Oca Orbos, Sen. Serge Osmena and Sen. Ed Angara (who agreed to become Erap’s Vice Presidential running mate). When she became president after EDSA II, she led a coalition for the 2001 elections under the banner of the now defunct People Power Coalition. Come 2004, Macapagal-Arroyo led the K-4 Coalition in the election that she is now widely-perceived as having ‘stolen’. At the same time, she is the titular head of Lakas. That is a total of five political parties and coalitions that she used for four consecutive elections.

I am no big fan of the present White House resident in America. But compared to our Gloria, George W. Bush believes in a political ideology – the tenets of Conservative Politics. You have a guide as to how President Bush will likely react to certain issues. Not quite the same with Macapagal-Arroyo who changes parties and loyalties with every wind.

This is why I can only consider those who claim to ‘genuinely’ believe in her as truly pathetic. Even more pathetic are those who are willing to go along with the rape and abuse of the democratic process so long as a showbiz president does not get installed. They truly deserve her and to be part of her ‘Harlot Politics’ – as I like to equate all this to cause and flesh trading in the Macapagal-Arroyo era. How can anyone believe someone whose entire political career underscores the fact that she does not really believe in anything?

You are better off believing in Santa Claus than in those Macapagal-Arroyo catch phrases like ‘fiscal reform’ and ‘new politics’.

Source: Philippine Daily Inquirer

Character Flaw

2005-07-14T01:33:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, SELFISH Gloria just don't get it.... she has no more will and credibility and has already caused too much harrassment to the office of the presidency. She should step down. She has caused our culture much harm.

"What is at stake now is not only the presidency ... but the survival of our institutions," he said.
A Union Bank employee, who did not wish to be identified, said his company closed its offices and the employees told to go home, indicating it wanted its employees to attend the rally. He said he was in favor of Ms Arroyo resigning: "How can I explain to my children that you can commit something wrong and you only have to apologize?" (quoted: PDI. Image from PDI.)

Arroyo is putting the country in the abyss

2005-07-10T03:33:00.000+08:00

Some letters wrote to the editors of Inquirer. Nobody could have said it better....

Focus on job creation, not on OFW deployment

I HAVE just read the article "Number of OFWs in '05 breaches 500,000 mark." I want to make a response to the following comment made by Acting Labor SecretaryDanilo Cruz: "We are confident that our goal to deploy a million OFWs globally continues on a firm and stable track."

My response is: Why does Cruz and the Department of Labor continue to focus so much of their time and effort on making sure there are more OFWs abroad rather than on the more important tasks of attracting more industries and creating new jobs in thePhilippines?

It seems to me that the Philippines government should try to encourage the creation of more industries and jobs in the Philippines itself so that the country's economy will improve on its own, rather than have to rely on the help of OFWs, who go overseas to find a better life for themselves. The whole OFW policy is misguided and short sighted and is more of a bandage
solution to a much bigger problem.

It's time for President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo and her government to come up with better ways to improve the Philippine economy without having to depend on the income remittances of Filipinos working overseas or raising taxes on everyone, which Arroyo wants to do.

Otherwise, Philippine sovereignty will erode, as the country becomes an economic dependent led by an impotent president who is chiefly concerned about saving herself and her family from
scandals.

KYE PARSONS, 2002 Huntsman Drive, Salisbury, Maryland,USA

Regain lost honor

PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo finally confessed what the public has suspected or known all along --that it was she who was in a wiretapped phone conversation about an alleged conspiracy to rig the 2004 presidential election results. The President’sadmission, however,
fell extremely short of unraveling the truth about the widely circulated taped conversation. She merely opened the Pandora’s box of damning questions on her culpability for election fraud. Whatever she might have admitted, the confession and her apology rang hollow and was bereft of sincerity with which one could empathize.

For one, Ms Arroyo refused to admit to any wrongdoing. For another, the confession was incomplete and apparently legally calculated.

While everybody knew who “Garci" was, the President chose to play coy by merely referring to him as a certain Commission on Elections official -- a move that was undoubtedly a legal precaution. Relevant details were left hanging, simply because mentioning them might incriminate and might be used against her.

It may have been out of legal prudence that the President took that tack, but it did not augur well for the people. When Ms Arroyo adamantly refused to admit the authenticity of the tapes, the people did not like it, because they hate to be lied to. Now that she has admitted it is her
voice on the tape, and that what she did was merely a “lapse of judgment,” they feel they are being taken for a ride. That’s worse, because people doubly hate having their intelligence insulted.

Ms Arroyo’s television address was a production that played a poor script and poorer acting. She attempted to appeal to people’s emotions and counted on the Filipinos’ being quick to forgive and forget, but her forgettable but not forgivable performance came out as what it was --
rehearsed and contrived. Comedian Ate Glow could have performed better.

And speaking of screen presence, Ms Arroyo is a far cry from Susan Roces, not because Susan is a better actress (definitely) but because when Susan speaks or displays righteous indignation (as she has done recently following Arroyo’s tape disclosure) it is heartfelt.

The President utterly lacks the dignified bearing of a Susan Roces. Pound for pound (not to mention height against height) "Ate Glo" is no match against "Manang Inday" in public credibility.

President Arroyo, a professed devout Catholic, should take counsel from the famed running priest, Fr. Robert Reyes. The priest said Ms Arroyo’s confession would not have been accepted in Catholic rites. The sacrament requires a sinner to reveal all her sins. He further preached, “It’s
not enough to say sorry if you did not confess all your sins. There has to be penance. Penance will hurt. It will hurt the penitent and it has something to do with the sin committed.”

For the people deeply offended by what they perceiveas the President’s grievous sin of lying and cheating in the elections, the penance they prescribe is that she step down from the presidency.

The credibility and trust that are now lost from the presidency could be restored only through her resignation.
To make up to the people for her lapse in judgment and act of impropriety, Ms Arroyo has promised to redouble her efforts to serve the nation and earn the people’s trust. But the people’s trust has been irreversibly breached.

Elsewhere, heads of state are expected to resign indisgrace for breach of their nations' political ethics. In another culture, hara-kiri would have beena proper penance for Ms Arroyo’s lapse in judgment. To the Japanese, to take one's own life and suffer the pain of a self-disembowelment ritual is to regain lost honor and save face. Here, “to save face” has taken a different sense; those who cling to power have taken it to mean having a face thicker than a carabao’s hide (my deep apologies to the carabao); the term "kapalmuks" [thick-faced] must have been a word coined
specifically for politicians.

It has come to pass that time-honored values of "palabra de honor" [word of honor] and "delicadeza"[sense of propriety], to borrow the words of fellowAtenean (de Naga) Conrad de Quiros, have become commodities that are routinely and horrendously defiled in this country, no thanks to Ms Arroyo.

The President has asked for forgiveness. But to forgive her at this point is to condone lying and wrongdoing (and ignore evidence of election fraud) committed by the highest official of the land. This would reinforce the cynical belief that in this country cheating and other foul means are tolerated or, worse, are part of the rules of the game called Philippine elections.

It would justify the Machiavellian tenet that the ends justify the means to capture political power. Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo would certainly not be happy to be remembered as the president who lied, who cheated and won the election, and later was caught but nonetheless got away with it.

She would not like her lapse of judgment and act of impropriety to become a model of conduct that other elective officials may be tempted to emulate. No, she would not allow that. She would make certain her office remains exalted and free from a besmirched reputation. She would make
sure that only honest and honorable statesmen and stateswomen would occupy the Office of the President. Wouldn’t you, MadamePresident?
ELMER S. CASILLAN, 12 Queborac Drive, Bagumbayan Sur,Naga City

-----

More than impropriety

PRESIDENT Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo’s admission that she talked to an official of the Commission on Elections (Comelec) before her proclamation raises a key issue that Filipinos must grapple with. It is not one of mere impropriety, as her allies would have us believe. Neither is it of stability or the need for sobriety.The issue is, plainly, one of right and wrong, and what is
to be done in the face of wrongdoing.

Ms Arroyo asked us to forgive her. But if the President were to be exonerated by a public apology, what basis would there be to charge the Comelec official she conversed with, and the others with whom this Comelec official collaborated to carry out questionable if not criminal
acts?

Some argue that the legitimacy of Ms Arroyo’s victory is nonetheless unquestionable, that she would have won anyway. This assertion is now open to debate.

Others say there is no alternative leader. Again, this is an open question.

Still others argue that the instability that would arise from a change of president would be disastrous for the nation. But is the instability caused by the President’s wrongdoing not disastrous enough?

A President incapable of distinguishing between mere impropriety and grave wrong doing should not lead. Ms Arroyo must step down from office.

By stepping down, the message to all, most especially our youth, is clear: dishonesty is unacceptable. Dishonesty is wrong. No public official who is dishonest should remain in office. Dishonest officials must be accountable for their actions. “Sorry” is not enough.

By remaining in office, Ms Arroyo’s message is theopposite: it pays to be dishonest; just apologize and all is forgiven. Worse, there are indications of a cover-up of the wrongdoing at the highest level. As evidence of the cover-up emerges, Ms Arroyo’s position will become increasingly untenable.

Much has been said about the need to respect constitutional processes. The truth is, far too many Filipinos have lost faith not just in our leaders but in our institutions.

The Comelec has no credibility; so is the legislature; and the judiciary has failed to deliver justice especially to the poor and powerless. A church that preaches sobriety but remains silent in the face of patently immoral public acts will lose its reason for being. Businessmen who value profits and market stability over what is a clear case of misgovernance will soon lose both. And civil society leaders who cannot condemn wrong doing by the country’s highest officials isolate themselves from the majority for whom hunger and basic survival are daily fare.

The people cannot wait for the outcome of a fact-finding commission, which would take a year or so while Ms Arroyo remains in office.

We repeat, Ms Arroyo must step down. This is the first and necessary step in the peaceful transition to a restructuring of our institutions.

ZENEIDA Q. AVANCEÑA, president, CARMEN I. DIOKNO,treasurer, The Diokno Foundation

source: the inquirer

Resignation Statement of Our President's Cabinet Members

2005-07-08T13:53:00.000+08:00

Full text, resignation statement of 10 Cabinet members

Of Leadership And Credibility

WITH deep concern and firm resolve, after a long period of reflection, debate and consultations, we, the undersigned, are hereby submitting our collective irrevocable resignation.

As early as Tuesday, July 5, we had already made our decision to resign. The President preempted our moves. This preemption does not change our conviction that her decisions as of late are guided mainly by her determination to survive as President. We believe that she will continue to make her decisions according to this norm.

By this act, we are not making any judgments on the tapes and "jueteng" issues. There is a proper forum to resolve those issues consistent with the rule of law. More pressing and immediate concerns confront our people today than poisoned politics or infirmities in our Constitution. At the core of these concerns are the issues of leadership and credibility--the ability of our President to continue to lead and govern our country with the trust and confidence of our people.

The longer the President stays in office under a cloud of doubt and mistrust, and with her style of decision-making, the greater the damage on the economy and the more vulnerable the fragile political situation becomes to extremists seeking to undermine our democratic life. In the end, the poor will suffer the most.

The President can be part of the solution to this crisis by making the supreme sacrifice for God and country to voluntarily relinquish her office and allow her constitutional successor, the Vice President, to assume the Presidency. Resignation is a legitimate constitutional option for affecting leadership change. Given the crisis in the Presidency, this is the least disruptive and painful option that can swiftly restore normalcy and eventually, bring us to prosperity.

We reject violence and anti-constitutional alternatives and call on our people to do the same. We will reject any attempt to exploit our resignation to sow intrigue and destabilization. We should all unite behind our constitutional successor and work together to resume our struggle for social, political and economic reforms.

The process of reforming society is difficult. It will entail sacrifices among our already suffering people. It will generate resistance and conflict among those who may have to give up power and privilege. We need leadership that can inspire our people to stay the course, while we confront these challenges. We need leadership with the moral courage to push on in the face of adversity; leadership that can steer the nation towards healing and reconciliation.

Even as we take leave from public service, we assure everyone of our unwavering commitment to continue serving our country, especially the underprivileged and powerless amidst us.

Now, couldn't Arroyo do the same? The supreme sacrifice for the greater good?

Travel in style with kalsada.com

2005-05-27T10:49:00.000+08:00

From the 7107 islands of the Philippines, we suggest visiting the site kalsada.com to showcase the magnificent beauty of the Philippines. Once known as the Pearl of the Orient, there are a lot of beautiful places that are still unknown to a lot of people. "Kalsada", came from the Filipino word "road", and has been providing inspiration to travellers and nature lovers alike.

Closer

2005-04-30T05:20:00.000+08:00

Here are some excerpts from the movie "Closer".

1.
Anna: I'm sorry you're...
Larry: Don't say it! Don't you fucking say "you're too good for me" I am, but don't say it.
2.
Alice: Where is this "love"? I can't see it, I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can't do anything with your easy words.
3.
Larry: You don't know the first thing about love because you don't understand compromise.
4.
Dan: You've ruined my life.
Anna: You'll get over it.
5.
Dan: I love her because she doesn't need me!
6.
Dan: What's so great about the truth? Try lying for a change - it's the currency of the world.
7.
Anna: Why did you swear eternal love when all you wanted was excitement!? Love bores you.
Dan: No, it disappoints me.
8.
Alice: It's the only way to leave: 'I don't love you anymore, good-bye.'
Dan: Supposing you do still love them?
Alice: You don't leave.
Dan: You've never left someone you still love?
Alice: No.
9.
Alice: You won't, you'll miss me. No one will ever love you as much as I do.
Dan: I know.
Alice: Why isn't love enough? I'm the one who leaves. I'm supposed to leave you. I'm the one who leaves.
10.
Alice: I don't love you anymore.
Dan: Look...I'm sorry...
Alice: No, I've changed the subject. I don't love you anymore.
Dan: Since when?
Alice: Now...just now. I don't want to lie and I can't tell the truth so it's over.
Dan: Alice...don't leave me.
Alice: I've left...I've gone. 'I don't love you anymore. Good-bye.'
11.
Dan: I fell in love with her.
Alice: Oh, like as if you have no choice. There's a moment. There's always a moment. I can do this. I can give in to this or I can resist it. I do not know when your moment was but I bet you know there was one.

* * * * *

Love is an accident …

waiting to happen.

Desire is a stranger …

you think you know.

Intimacy is a lie …

we tell ourselves.

Truth is a game …

you play to win.

If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.

Color Test

2005-02-22T10:06:00.000+08:00

PROBLEM UNDERLYING THE PRESENT STRESS -- The fear that he may be prevented from achieving the things he wants leads him to play his part with an urgent and hectic intensity.

DESIRED OBJECTIVE -- Strives for a rich life in activity and experience, and for close bond offering sexual and emotional fulfillment.

CURRENT INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR -- Feels that he is receiving less than his share and that there is no one on whom he can rely for sympathy and understanding. Pent-up emotions and a certain egocentricity make him quick to take offense, but he realizes that he has to make the best of things as they are.

http://www.viewzone.com/luscher/colortest.html

2005-01-27T02:10:00.000+08:00

Who needs a fling when what i want is the whole fairytale: long walks on the beach, up-all-night conversations, and watching sunrises/sunsets in each other's arms. I'm a picky dater who doesn't connect with just anyone. A strong intellectual streak, loyalty, and a great sense of humor are surely terrific selling points. BUT I already found my other half(love u, sweetie!), that person who can finish my sentences, the person who really 'gets' my inner emotions.

Call Center Community

2005-01-17T07:25:00.000+08:00

C2, previously known as Call Contact is now nearing it's version 2 upgrade. Hope we can realize the dream of having a source to connect fragmented people together.

anonymously posted

2004-12-03T07:00:00.000+08:00

Yesterday I had a wonderful and thought provoking experience. I spent the morning hiking in the woods of Acadia while photographing three of the carriage road bridges—Hemlock, Waterfall and Hadlock Brook. It was my second venture into these woods. My first…had been in an area that is very popular with visitors and there was little solitude. Yesterday, I was alone.

There is poetry in these forests of Acadia and the silence provokes philosophical thought. I was inspired and enjoyed my work.

I thought about what it means to see as an artist, or as a sensitive being for that matter. I thought how important it is to recognize things not merely for what they are, but for what they are not and for what they seem.

In fact everything that is, exists in many forms…there is formal identification—what is generally accepted as reality. There is perception, which can exist even without language, as when a speechless child observes something for the first time. There are associative identifications that all of us make, such as the identification we might make of a tree that looks like a birch when it actually is an aspen.

Then there is the identification we make of a thing by calling to mind what it is not. A tree, for example, is not a lamppost, though in fact it could become one. (Oh, there's another kind of identification—recognition of what a thing can become.)…

Then I thought about the space things occupy and the negative spaces that surround them and which are so important to artistic composition. That led me to a realization that there is something terribly inappropriate about our concept of "nothing." What is nothing if it is not the absence of something, but…

butterfly effect

2004-09-30T15:18:00.000+08:00

A butterfly flies through the forest rain
And turns the wind into a hurricane
I know that it will happen
'Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

A schoolboy yawns, sits back and hits return
While round the world computers crash and burn
I know that it will happen
'Cause I believe in the certainty of chance

And I believe
I can see it all so clearly now
You must go and I must set you free
'Cause only that will bring you back to me
I know that it will happen
Because I believe in the certainty of chance

Sometimes at night the darkness and silence weighs on me.
Peace frightens me.
Perhaps I fear it most of all.
I feel it's only a facade, hiding the face of hell.
I think of what's in store for me tomorrow;

"It will all be ok",
they say; but from whose viewpoint?
We need to live in a state of suspended animation,
like a work of art;
in a state of enchantment...detached. Detached.

2004-08-19T17:08:00.000+08:00

"We are storytellers first and foremost - filmmakers second."

"We are merely human beings trying to survive on this Earth and storytelling is an essential tool that allows us to share the experiences of other human beings. It has been this way long before stories were written down, before there was writing, even before there was language. It is through our stories that we establish and maintain our connections with the rest of humanity. So, when we go to a movie, we don't go to 'see a movie'. We go to immerse ourselves in the personal journeys of other individuals. We go to experience a movie."

"Films are forced into existence. And the primary fuel that drives the process is the passion and vision of the director. With our passion, films get made."

By Mark Travis from his new book: Directing Feature Films: The Creative Collaboration Between Director, Writers and Actors

2004-08-19T16:30:00.000+08:00

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
-Comte DeBussy-Rabutin.

2004-08-13T15:15:00.000+08:00

There are some people who meet that somebody that they can never stop loving, no matter how hard they try. ... there are some loves that don't go away. And maybe that makes them crazy, but we should all be lucky enough to end up with somebody who has a little of that insanity. Someone who never lets go. Someone who cherishes you forever. and i'm very lucky to have that one person!

-Ally Mcbeal

2004-08-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

I still believe in paradise, but now at least I know it is not some place that you can look for because it is not where you go...It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you are a part of something. And if you find that moment, it lasts forever...

"The Beach" sound track

anonymous posting

2004-08-11T18:33:00.000+08:00

the way their tears make you want to change the world so that it doesn't hurt her anymore.....Yet regardless if you love them, hate them, wish they would die or know that you would die without them ... it matters not. Because once in your life, whatever they were to the world they become everything to you. When you look them in the eyes, traveling to the depths of their souls and you say a million things without trace of a sound,you know that your own life is inevitable consumed within the rhythmic beatings of her very heart. We love them for a million reasons, No paper would do it justice. It is a thing not of the mind but of the heart.-

treasure the people round you coz u dunno when will they be gone...

Loving Completely

2004-08-10T07:01:00.000+08:00

At sunrise everything is luminous, but not clear. It is often the same with those we live with and love and should know: they elude us. Yet you can love completely without complete understanding.

--Norman Maclean

Past

2004-07-23T04:20:00.000+08:00

Past

We have to discard the past
and, as one builds
floor by floor, window by window,
and the building rises,
so do we keep shedding
first, broken tiles,
then pompous doors,
until out of the past
dust rises
as if to crash
against the floor,
smoke rises
as if to catch fire,
and each new day
it gleams
like an empty
plate.There is nothing, there is always nothing.
It has to be filled
with a new, fruitful space,
then downward
tumbles yesterday
as in a well
falls yesterday's water,
into the cistern
of all still without voice or fire.
It is difficult to teach bones
to disappear,
to teach eyes
to close
but
we do it
unrealizing.
It was all alive,
alive, alive, alive
like a scarlet fish
but time
passed over its dark cloth
and the flash of the fish
drowned and disappeared.
Water water water
the past goes on falling
still a tangle
of bone
sand of roots;
it has been, it has been, and now
memories mean nothing.
Now the heavy eyelid
covers the light of the eye
and what was once living
now no longer lives;
what we were, we are not.
And with words, although the letters
still have transparency and sound,
they change, and the mouth changes;
the same mouth is now another mouth;
they change, lips, skin, circulation;
another being has occupied our skeleton;
what once was in us now is not.
It has gone, but if they call, we reply;
"I am here," knowing we are not,
that what once was, was and is lost,
is lost in the past, and now will not return.

-Pablo Neruda

2004-07-21T16:04:00.000+08:00

I think about beauty... as much as

2004-07-21T14:55:00.000+08:00

ISFP - "Artist". Interested in the fine arts. Expression primarily through action or art form. The senses are keener than in other types. 8.8% of total population.

Take Free Myers-Briggs Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Conscious self	Overall self

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Enneagram Test Results

Type 1	Perfectionism	50%
Type 2	Helpfulness	86%
Type 3	Image Awareness	80%
Type 4	Sensitivity	63%
Type 5	Detachment	66%
Type 6	Anxiety	70%
Type 7	Adventurousness	66%
Type 8	Aggressiveness	76%
Type 9	Calmness	70%

Your Conscious-Surface type is 2w3
Your Unconscious-Overall type is Omni

Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

2004-07-21T14:28:00.000+08:00

Freudian Inventory Results

Genital (46%) you appear to be stuck between a progressive and regressive outlook on life.
Latency (70%) you may be using learning as an escape from living.
Phallic (50%) you appear to have a good balance of sexual awareness and sexual composure.
Anal (60%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity.
Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence.

Take Free Freudian Inventory Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Nature Boy

2004-07-21T10:50:00.000+08:00

There was a boy
A very strange enchanted boy
They say he wandered very far, very far
Over land and sea
A little shy and sad of eye
But very wise was he

And then one day
A magic day he passed my way
And while we spoke of many things
Fools and kings
This he said to me
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn
Is just to love and be loved in return"

-moulin rouge

Gratitude

2004-07-20T12:56:00.000+08:00

" I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world. Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once and it's too much. My heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember to relax, and not try to hold on to it. And then it flows through me like rain. And I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. You have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm sure. Don't worry, you will someday. "
--Lester Burnham

breathless - lifehouse

2004-07-18T03:41:00.000+08:00

I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what i'm gonna do when i get there
I take a breath and hold on tightSpin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

I'm looking past the shadows in my mind into the truth
And i'm trying to identify the voices in my head
God wish won't you
Let me feel one more time what if feels like to feel
And break these caluses off me one more time

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside of your door
And listen to you breathing
Its where I wanna be, yeah
Oh i don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting for
The scraps to fall off of your table to the ground
La da da da...Cause i just wanna be here now

Cause I am hanging on every word you're saying
Even if you don't wanna speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit outside heaven's door
And listen to you breathing
Its where i wanna be, yeah
Where I wanna be

--breathless

A Purpose

2004-07-17T02:47:00.000+08:00

I think that what children desperately need is a moral purpose, and a lot of our children here aren’t getting that. Instead they’re getting parents who are very concerned about getting them into the right colleges, buying the best clothes for them, giving them an opportunity to live in neighborhoods where they’ll lead fine and affluent lives and where they can be given the best things, to go on interesting vacations, and all sorts of other things.

-"Becoming A Man" by William Bausch.

2004-07-15T14:54:00.000+08:00

hope is nothing but a human quintessential delusion

The Butterfly.

2004-07-11T22:08:00.000+08:00

One day as a small opening appeared on a cocoon, a man sat for several hours watching the butterfly struggle to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily, but it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.

Neither happened. In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening was nature's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings. Then the butterfly would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If we were allowed to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could be. We could never fly.

The Ex.

2004-07-10T09:44:00.000+08:00

Now I have an idea why people make such big deals about exes. You know... stuff like, getting over the ex, dealing with the ex, being friends with the ex and being an ex.

I am an ex. I know that it's stupid and silly to sound as a part of my life revolved around being somebody's ex. But I can't help it... that title packs a pretty strong punch. I am now and official member of the "love and lost" club. And while it's a title I don't exactly want, I have to admit that it does say something about me.

I am an ex. I once loved someone who really loved me back. But that someone didn't stay... so I had to let that someone go.

I cried. A lot. I spent countless nights wondering what went wrong, my muffling sobs with my pillows so that no one would suspect that something was amiss. I'd reminisce about out happy times, then break down when I'd realize that the person was no longer mine. I analyzed every single detail of our breakup. I talked endlessly about my situation. I spent nights in tearful telephone conversations and my days in daydreams where we'd end up in each other's arms again.

Sometimes that person still makes my world turn, I'd do anything for just to get that someone back. But sometimes, I saw that someone as the bitch incarnate who broke my heart, and who deserved to be horsewhipped at the very least.

I told myself that I was all for the better. That this was destined. My friends offered advice, none of which I hadn't heard before: "It's a sign that you're not meant for each other," "When God closes a door, He opens a window," "Someone better is coming for you," "There are so many other fish in the sea," etc.

But it didn't work. Because deep down, I still believed that person was the one. No one, except me, could ever say who is deserving of the love i give. And I couldn't understand how this was all for the better... when everyday seemed more torturous than the last... not being able to be with that person the way I wanted to be, seeing that person so unaffected, and dealing with my broken-and-smashed heart and bruised ego.

I tried to immerse myself in other activities to forget about that person. I went out a lot. I filled my schedule with movie marathons, shopping sprees, clubbing and partying. It worked for a while... but then there were times, times when my mind was cleared of the busy thoughts I tried to occupy it with, that I would think of that someone. Memories would sneak up to me on tiptoes, catching me in my most vulnerable moments.

I tried to show the world that I was OK. That I was over that someone. That it is fine just being friends. I didn't go around with a big "X" on my forehead, nor did I go around with puffy eyes and tissue box. I tried to live my life, as I knew it before I met that person. People thought I was doing great.

They heard me laugh, and they saw me smile; I seemed happy, they said; and I told myself I was. But in the solace of my room, where I tried to organize my thoughts and sort out my feelings, I had to admit to myself that I wasn't truly happy. Because I was still yearning for someone, and my heart still ached for something that could not be.

It's been more than a month now since we broke up, surprisingly, things have gotten better(?) I've changed. Somewhere along the way, I realized that the person wasn't the only one out there for me. I also realized that there were valid, powerful reasons why we split up. And I've become stronger, older and wiser.

That person has changed as well, when I look at that person, sometimes I still see the person I fell in love with. Sometimes I think that one's the same person as before... the same sweet smile and contagious charm that I fell for, and I like to believe that the rest of that is changed as well. But then I take a closer look and I realized that person HAS changed... that I don't know that person anymore, not really... not enough to love and care for as I once did.

I am an ex. I've loved and lost. I've cried tears for the things that were and that could have been. I've rested with intense feelings of love and hate, of jealousy, of frustration. I've tried to rebuild my world without the person whom it used to revolve around. I've tried to save myself from the depths of depression and self-pity, and when I couldn't do that, I tried to preoccupy myself.

I don't know exactly what I gained, or how much I lost. Maybe someday it will all be clear to me... then again, maybe not.

i hate love. fuck.

2004-07-10T09:43:00.000+08:00

Aaaaarrggghhh…

It occurred to me again, this time in the middle of what’s supposed to be a time to relax. I kept you safe within the remote areas of my consciousness, but suddenly, as if driven by an unknown force, your memory unearths itself, returning some sort of unfinished business. Consequently, I pause from being dazed and I start thinking about you.

And it always left me a touch of sadness.

As far as I was concerned, I made it a point not to think about you anymore, at least not that often as I used to, in the form of preoccupation. There are lots of things to do, friends to spend time and energy with, family affairs (yeah, right!), radio, and the internet. There are even lots of new objects of affection in the rough. ^_^’
Works for the most part, I should say. Within the confines of my room with everything beside me, there is forgetting.

Just like the manner by which ice cubes freeze bacteria within their crystal networks. As long as they remain frozen, everything’s safe. There is no need to worry.
But somehow, you still manage to permeate my system, as if it were an expertise or a tediously-learned skill. Moment by moment, you profusely enter my mind, filling my awareness with lost memories of once-upon-a-times and whatnots. Memories of holding hands, afternoon walks, lunch outs, text messages and phone calls instantly zoomed into my mind as if they were scenes from a Matrix flick. I also remember of yesterday’s seemingly unbreakable promises and proclamations of forever. Fuck.

I should’ve put into mind what an old friend told me, ‘Forever’s not real’. Grr.. remembered Sarah Geronimo [Forever’s not Enough]. I have always yearned to understand what had happened between us. “US” won’t even suffice: was it even a real relationship? We just hung out and talked and spent time together more often than we did with our other friends and colleagues. Sometimes it pained me that I could not do anything in my power to force you to effing tell me whatever’s going on in your mind. Certainly, the ambiguity was present, the ambiguity which you never wanted to clarify.

I could only let you go on with whatever it was that you desired, whether it be ranting about your insecurities, rejoicing over happier news or lamenting about your eventful past. On the other side, I remained silent in the middle of your hyped-up emotion. I was like a child with beaming eyes, eager to hear more stories of how you came about to be the person that you are. For you, once told me, that listening to you gave you strength to go on, and so I did. I have always wanted you to be okay.

Yet when it was my turn to be heard, the silence was a void. I suspended my disbelief when I convinced myself that you always meant well, whenever you apologized for there was nothing you can do about my bouts of depression, or when you simplify things by saying that everything’s gonna be alright. I know I should not expect things from other people; perhaps I was at fault when I wanted more from you when you can only give so little.

You hurt me. You hurt me many, many times. You hurt me so intensely I never dared to tell you anything about it. I was a fool to think that it was a better way of dealing with things. And that, I presume to be my biggest mistake: I abandoned myself. I sought for your happiness that I forgot about mine altogether.

And just like that, you vanished, very much like a soap bubble floating across air. I have watched you in complete awe, wonder and even fascination. And similar to any ethereal fleeting moment, you were gone, leaving me clueless as to whether you even existed in the first place.

So maybe what we had was love. Maybe I loved you, and I hope to heavens that you really loved me back: even just for a split second when we held each other’s hands, or during that moment when I looked into your eyes, or the time when I laughed at one of your silly quirks, or during the time you told me that you *really love me* while you were sobbing because you can’t imagine what would happen if I leave you. I’d be content with that idea, I’d be content that in the course of our ‘whatever-it-is-called’, there was a moment of mutuality; even if it was so fucking quick I never noticed it all.

Perhaps I still do love you, but that won’t do much now. I can fight to save everything that I’ve invested, but I chose not to. I have treasured you in the past, and that will be enough. Right now, all I can do is wish you well in all your endeavors.

The end is only a beginning disguised as a parting. I will still think about you every now and then, probably be sad once in a while, but you need not to worry. For I am okay and I will be okay under all circumstances. It may take time for me, but in the long run, it will be all worth it. I may still risk myself, but every risk in its own respect is worth taking anyway. Love is such a convoluted mixture of emotions and decisions that it’s a matter of working your way through it.

Thank you for gracing my life like a whirlwind, leaving me breathless and hurt, inspired and furious, affectionate and listless. You’ve taught me quite a lot (without you knowing it) and I learned them in the most humbling (and heartrending) manner. Thank you for showing me what it means to be human, to commit mistakes, and to discover how to regain myself after everything that had happened.

Like what I heard again from a friend, 'Ad astra per aspera.' A rough road leads to the stars. I’m on my way to becoming stellar.

Identity

2004-07-09T14:26:00.000+08:00

If you want to identify me,
ask me not where I live,
or what I like to eat, or
how I comb my hair;
but ask me what I am living for,
in detail, and ask me
what I think is keeping me
from living fully for
the thing I want to live for.

-"My Argument with the Gestapo" by Thomas Merton

quote..

2004-07-08T18:53:00.000+08:00

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life: that word
is love.

- sophocles

Superstar

2004-07-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

Superstar
Jamelia

People always talk about
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
All the things there all about
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
Write it on a piece of paper
Got a feeling now see you later

There's something bout me
Let's keep it moving
And if it's good lets just get something cooking
Cus I really wanna rock with you
I'm feeling some connection to the things you do
(You do, you do)

I don't know what it is
That makes me feel like this
I don't know who you are
But you must be some kind of superstar
Cus you got all eyes on you no matter where you are
You just make me wanna play

Baby take a look around
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
Everybody's getting' down
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
Deal with all the problems later
Bad boys on there best behaviour

There's something bout me
Let's keep it moving
And if it's good lets just get something cooking
Cus I really wanna rock with you
I'm feeling some connection to the things you do
(You do, you do)

I don't know what it is
That makes me feel like this
I don't know who you are
But you must be some kind of superstar
Cus you got all eyes on you no matter where you are
You just make me wanna play

I feel you movin'
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
I just give into the groove and then
You just make me wanna play
If you just put pen to paper
Hey oh hey oh hey oh
Got that feelin' now see you later
Hey oh hey oh hey oh

Make your move
Can't we get a little closer?
You rock it just like your supposed ta!
Hey boy I aint got nothin' more to say
Cus you just make me wanna play

I don't know what it is
That makes me feel like this
No no gotta be gotta be a superstar
All eyes on you ohhh eyes on you
You make me wanna play

I don't know what it is
That makes me feel like this
I don't know who you are
But you must be some kind of superstar
Cus you got all eyes on you no matter where you are
You just make me wanna play

Kahlil Gibran

2004-07-06T20:48:00.000+08:00

... But today we kneel only to truth..." - Kahlil Gibran

I have created a new site in tribute to our very own Kahlil Gibran. Kahlil Gibran Online will feature most of his works and paintings. I hope people will still find interest in history and literature.

I Promise You

2004-07-06T01:08:00.000+08:00

I Promise You

It's in the silences
The words you never say
I see it in your eyes
Always starts the same way
It seems like everyone we know is breaking up
Does anybody ever stay in love anymore

I promise you
From the bottom of my heart
I will love you 'til death do us part
I promise you
As a lover and a friend
I will love you like I'll never love again
With everything I am

I see you look at me
When you think I'm not aware
You're searching for clues
Of just how deep my feelings are
How do you prove the sky is blue
The ocean's wide
All I know is what I feel
When I look into your eyes

Oh, There are no guarantees
That's what you always say to me
But late at night I feel the tremble in your touch
What I'm trying to say to you
I never said to anyone

You're everything I am

With everything I am

Life with Road Shows

2004-07-04T20:17:00.000+08:00

For how many times that Filipinos wanted to place the right person in Malacañang. It is the path for a better country. But while going, they are offered an entertainment by candidates in exchange of their votes.

These are great 'shows' and shows produced by some people surrounding the candidate, who are eager to place their bets in the national offices because of not-far-from-their-bets self interests.

We are not far from 'shows' that's happening right in front of our face written by people who could pull scripts from their sleeves, minimally if not forgetting to consider that their dealing with persons.

Personal life and politics are like a road trips. Our goal is to be at our destination safely -- and fast . But since nobody wants to miss the entertainment offered on the road, we tend to give time to these shows. We could think that it will make our trip with ease or we could learn from them.

Unfortunately, not all of those shows on the road will let us go easily once we decide of returning to our trip. They want us to slowdown, if not stop. Here, a test of life comes in: are we letting these shows prevent us going?

stupid thoughts

2004-07-04T20:13:00.000+08:00

LAST time, I told mysef that I can control myself when it comes to pride. I even thanked a girl for that.

But last Saturday, I think I pushed myself out of my path. Just as I thought Im going better, now, it seems pride has many branches and there should, also, be many solutions.

I did the wrong thing. I never thought insecurity would push me.

Nobody can tell. Probably I could loose the friendship I chose long time ago, after befriending the girl that I love.

"And I could see clearly, an indelible line was drawn between what was good, what just slipped out and what went wrong." -- Stupid Mouth by John Mayer.

And myself this time is the casualty. It was stupid.

Pessimist?

2004-07-04T19:29:00.000+08:00

Having a comeback to write on a blog is not easy. Especially, if you're stuck on times you choose not to be in.

I admit, there are more things that can make me happy. How many? Numbers could overwhelm those bad moments that make me sad. But unfortunately for me, it was never a numbers game. There are just these things that were few but I value much. But the picture is, they're on a down turn.

I'm down. Because of the things that are few, or should I see it as just one, but I value much.

2004-03-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

One of my favorite philosophy in life that I usually follow is one with regards to Plato's cave. One of my favorites, and I do believe that the Matrix or other sci-fi stories, are pretty much made from the inspiration of this analogy -

"Imagine a dark, subterranean prison in which humans are bound by their necks to a single place from infancy. Elaborate steps are taken by unseen forces to supply and manipulate the content of the prisoner's visual experience. This is so effective that the prisoners do not recognize their imprisonment and are satisfied to live their lives in this way. Moreover, the cumulative effects of this imprisonment are so thorough that if freed, the prisoners would be virtually helpless. They could not stand up on their own, their eyes would be overloaded initially with sensory information, and even their minds would refuse to accept what the senses eventually presented them. It is not unreasonable to expect that some prisoners would wish to remain imprisoned even after their minds grasped the horror of their condition. But if a prisoner was dragged out and compelled to understand the relationship between the prison and outside, matters would be different. In time the prisoner would come to have genuine knowledge superior to the succession of representations that made up the whole of experience before. This freed prisoner would understand those representations as imprefect - like pale copies of the full reality now grasped in the mind. Yet if returned to the prison, the freed prisoner would be the object of ridicule, disbelief, and hostility."

Now, you have an overview of the analogy. Many times in our life, we do something that is beyond the norm, but rather than being believed in, we are killed by the perception of what others think is "normal".. Ladies and Gentlemen.. there is nothing so "normal" in this world.. those claiming so should first define the otherwise!

2004-03-10T09:52:00.000+08:00

hi....

2004-03-10T06:45:00.000+08:00

ang saya saya ng mouse chenelars nito...da best!

2004-03-10T06:38:00.000+08:00

Finally. I'm having my much awaited Rest Day! :)